About Me, Friends, NaBloPoMo 2017

Dancing Through Life

I spent this evening at the Gulfport Casino dancing at the weekly swing dance and celebrating my friend’s birthday.   Light socializing and dancing really hit the spot and got my mind off trouble, real or imagined, for awhile.  I came a little late to the party and missed the lesson for foxtrot.  I did get there with enough time to learn the basic swing steps and some turns.  We made a big circle and practiced each move for a few tries with one partner before moving on to another partner.  You could tell pretty quickly which gentlemen were regulars and which ones were beginners, but everyone was very convivial and patient with the newbies like me.

I haven’t been dancing – ballroom dancing – in years.  While the Guru and I were dating we attended dance lessons in West Coast Swing for a few months with my Mom and my Aunt.  Unfortunately, the Guru not only has two left feet but also CANNOT hear the downbeat.  Our old dance instructor used to try so hard to get him to notice it and never succeeded.  Poor guy can’t even clap in rhythm.  Instead, he watches my hands at concerts when everyone in the crowd joins in and claps along by watching me.  Even though it had been years since I’ve participated in any kind of ballroom dance I did feel that I picked up on it rather quickly.  The more practice the smoother you get and the more “moves” you can learn.  A sincere thank you to all those guys who were my dance partners this evening.  Overall, a fun night and I hope that I can do more dancing soon!

About Me, The Family That...

Father’s Daughter

Long ago, on a weekend of far, FAR too many activities I attended my cousin’s wedding on Treasure Island.  It was a beautiful wedding as they go.  Right on the beach.  Great weather.  Good food.  Happy family.

However, as joyous as weddings can be, and most especially since my own wedding, they also hold a small spot of pain and anguish.

My husband sitting across from me noticed my dismay as tears came to my eyes and did his best – in his sometimes non-emotional women-are-from-Venus-men-are-from-Mars way – to comfort me.  I excused myself to the restroom as soon as I could.

I collected my thoughts and stemmed the flow of tears after a few moments.  It wasn’t too hard to repair the bloodshot eyes.  I had only let out a trickle of tears when I really wanted to sob.

The cause of all this trauma?  Childhood events.  The father-daughter dance. My parents’ divorce.

The father-daughter dance at any wedding causes me a small amount of distress, but at this wedding, to see my uncle (my Dad’s brother) dancing with my cousin was almost more than I could bear.

I flashed back to my wedding where I danced with my father-in-law and where none of these wonderful members of my family had been allowed.

Unfortunately, in her dysfunctional and emotionally traumatic way, my Mom forbade my Dad from coming to my wedding.  Arguing and pleading had no effect.  I could have just insisted.  After all, it was our special day – mine and my husband’s – not hers.  In the end, I decided I really didn’t want my wedding to resemble an episode of Cops, and capitulated.

Later we had a 2nd wedding gathering with my Dad’s family.  But that moment – the father-daughter moment – was lost to me forever.

After all these years missing that moment still has the power to hurt.  My cousin, I wish you well.  Never forget to be grateful for the moment you had.