About Me, The Family That...

Midlife Moment

Have I reached THAT stage in life?  Oh, jeez.  This is SO embarrassing.

That stage that as a child you would never in a million, trillion years envision as pure and malevolent torture: middle-aged, thirty-something, midlife.

Midlife – as in midlife crisis – one of which I may be having now. I’m fighting a barely restrained desire to buy an expensive, red, flamboyant sports car or a one-way ticket to Fiji.

Today, wandering listlessly and hopelessly around my house (after a huge bout of marital strife), my mind flashes back to a moment from when I was eighteen. Sitting and chatting with my boyfriend during one of those late night talks we discussed our future hopes and dreams. I wasn’t sure what exactly my future would hold, yet I KNEW I was destined for great things. I declared it loud and proud sure the universe would provide.

Nowadays, I find it hard to declare my favorite color loud and proud. Every way I turn I feel the sharp daggers of doubt, of fear, of lack of self-confidence, of debilitating uncertainty, and soul-draining confusion.

Something unidentified hurts: a deep, dark and deadly hurt that hinders my joy.

Do I seek a career? Children? Fame? Fortune? Happiness? Money? God?

Is the answer to life, the universe and everything really 42?

I envy the burning phoenix rising. I envy its easy path. How it shucks the daily chores, marital strife, family ties, and money worries and rises above.

For now, I’ll be Scarlett and think about it tomorrow….tomorrow…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s